Can I be honest?

I've been a hypocrite. And I've failed at practicing what I've preached. Like, at all.

I hired a photographer a few weeks ago to document a milestone for our family. I wanted to be fully present and focused on the moment.

Y'all. Our photos were great! I was honestly and truly pleased as punch. We got some great family shots, he documented all of the special moments I'd asked for- and more. There were no issues with color, composition, etc. I could not find one thing in those photos to complain about!

Except myself.

AS SOON AS I got those photos back I started tearing myself apart.

  • Why did I fix my hair like that?
  • Why have I let myself go? I am so fat! (WHY does that Halloween candy have to taste so good!!!)
  • I looked tired. I should have worn more makeup.
  • Now I remember why I should be BEHIND the camera and not in front of it!
  • Man... That RBF!! (Although in all fairness, that's actually a problem I probably should work on remedying. Haha!)

Y'all. I spent five minutes after I got those photos back absolutely annihilating myself, and in the process I completely overlooked the sweet moments happening in the photos in front of me- all because I was so focused on my own shortcomings.

If you've ever had a boudoir session with me, I will at some point talk about how important those photos are because, as women, we need to appreciate ourselves just as we are. (And I believe that!!!)

If you've ever had a family session with me and expressed discomfort over your physical features, I will remind you that your kids don't care if you look perfect in those photos. They will only care that you were there in the moment with them. (And that is true!!!!)

If you've ever picked yourself apart in front of me, I will stop you and tell you to start speaking more positively about yourself. (And I will mean it!!!)

We are all in this together, ladies! And we are all learning together. Learning how to respect ourselves. Learning how to embrace the flaws. Learning how to acknowledge that maybe there ARE areas of our bodies that we could take better care of ***Guiltily looks at that darn Halloween Candy I've been sneaking*** but also not allowing those shortcomings to define us or hold us back.

So I guess the point of this blog is to just remind you that, although I'm going to preach body positivity and self-talk to you, I totally get the struggle of showing up and being in front of the camera. I cringe every time I book a photo session. I know I will LOVE having those sweet memories, but I battle inwardly every time I see myself in them.

But I'm also more convinced every time I have a session that those photos are important! Because every time I'm brave enough to step in front of that camera, I learn how to tell those inner voices to shut their big fat mouths, and I push myself forward more and more.

So that's it. That's my self-reflection for today. I'm just gonna go hide the rest of that Halloween candy now...